A Nice, Healthy Shopping Trip
by InsanityPasta
Summary: Riza just wanted to go get some food. How in the hell did a flaming minigolf course come in? Rated M because I'm paranoid.


**While writing SotCB (which is pretty long total), I came up with the idea of this oneshot. Ironically, it's in a completely different series. Come to think of it, this idea has probably been done to death, but I don't give a damn. So, enjoy.**

A Nice, Healthy Shopping Trip

Roy Mustang, flames extraordinaire, was looking at oranges. He seemed to be nice and calm, and Riza was happy that he wasn't complaining like he usually would. Adjusting her T-shirt, she smiled and turned back to the other fruit on display.

Mustang, however, was not as sunny as he appeared. In fact, he was fairly angry. All afternoon at headquarters, Havoc and Breda were arguing about who had to do the massive amount of paperwork. Roy eventually broke down and just did it himself, leaving him with a lot less free time. He was planning to go home and relax, when his girlfriend invited him on a shopping trip. He couldn't just say no, could he?

"You know, I expected you to be complaining about going shopping." Roy looked up at her.

"Honestly, I just came because you wanted me to," Roy replied.

"There you go again with more complaining," Riza laughed. "Can you go one day without complaining?"

"I guess not." Roy shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the food. However, a familiar voice caused him to turn back.

"Hey," Al said with a smile. He held a list in his hand.

"Hey, Al," Riza replied. "What brings you here?"

"Ed was supposed to go shopping for Winry today, but he asked me to do it for him.

"And that was it?" Roy interjected. "You just decided to do it?"

"Actually, he said he was trying to do something for Winry, so I decided to do him a favor." Roy shook his head before walking into the next aisle.

_I highly doubt that Ed is doing anything, _Roy thought. _I bet that he just didn't want to go shopping. Sometimes I can't believe the mind of that boy. _

"Roy? Hurry up, we don't need anything else here!" Riza yelled. Roy sighed before following her out. They checked out and walked down the street just outside.

"Hey, Al," Riza said, breaking the silence. "Why don't you join us for lunch?"

"Sure, I'll tag along," Al stated. They walked further along the road, eventually reaching the restaurant. After sitting down, Al turned to Roy.

"So, how's the rest of your team?" Al asked.

Riza turned before Roy could answer. "They're alright. Although Roy is a little mad at Havoc and Breda."

"A little mad?!" Roy said, his voice increasing with every word. "I really would appreciate it if they didn't argue every day about some damn paperwork. Seriously, they do it every day!"

The server got their orders down, and Roy continued to vent to them. Al was a good listener, never once trying to change the subject or argue with him. Much better than a certain blonde he knew.

Speaking of him…

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL A MOTH COULD SQUASH HIM!"

The three of them turned to behind Al, where his brother had just sat down again next to Winry.

"What are you doing here, Ed? Riza questioned. Ed turned to them, as if noticing they were there for the first time. A look of mild surprise was painted across his face.

"Hey, Al," he replied, having calmed down from his outburst. "Honestly, I should be asking you the same question."  
"Riza invited me to come to lunch with them. What about you, Brother?" Ed smiled.

"I told you I was doing something with Winry, didn't I?"

"I still can't believe that you dumped your shopping on him," Winry said.

Through all of this, Roy sat, calmly sipping his drink.

_I guess he really did have plans,_ Roy thought.

"So anyway" Winry said, "me and Ed are going mini golfing after this. Do you want to come with us?"

"Sure!" Al said, chuckling a little.

"Really? Mini golfing?" Roy said, before bursting out laughing.

"Don't make fun of mini golfing," Ed said. "Better than anything you could come up with, General Pyro."

"Is that a challenge, shortie?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MINIATURE PIPSQUEAK!"

"Guys," Winry said, "let's just go mini golfing."

_An hour later, at the mini golfing course_

Roy watched with admiration as Al (who was surprisingly good at mini golf) get another perfect score.

"Al, how did you get so good at mini golf?" Riza said.

"He's just naturally good at it," Ed replied. Winry nodded as Roy lined up another shot. As he hit it, the ball careened to the left, the cause being a small hill suddenly popping up. Roy turned to see Ed getting up.

"I don't think that's allowed," Roy said. Ed shrugged his shoulders.

"Nowhere in the rules does it state that you cannot make small hills," Ed said. Roy raised his eyebrows.

As Ed lined up his shot, a small flame caused the ball to burst. Ed looked at Roy, a pissed off look on his face.

"Oops," Roy said. Riza shook her head, and Winry sighed. They moved on to the next hole, and started to tee off.

While Ed was teeing off, another burst of flame destroyed his ball. He turned around, furious with Roy.

"Alright, that's it!" Ed yelled, and tackled the Flame Alchemist to the ground. Roy threw him off of him and snapped his fingers, causing a decent sized explosion. Ed was blasted backward into the wall. He got up and charged again, but this time Roy was ready. He started a massive explosion, launching Ed into another wall, but also starting a small fire. It spread to the hole behind him, to the horror of the others.

"Uh… Roy?" Al said, backing up a little bit.

"What is it, Al?" Roy said, approaching Ed.

"You kind of started a fire."

Roy turned around and realized what he had done.

"Damnit," he muttered under his breath. He sprinted off with Al to get water, leaving the other three.

"So…" Winry said, "what do we do about this in the meantime?"

Ed had started attempting to beat out the flames with his cloak.

"Seriously, guys, I need your help!" Ed yelled.

"Are you  
serious?" Riza yelled.

"Yes!" Ed screamed.  
"Well, what are we supposed to do?" Riza replied.

"Just do what I'm doing!" Riza sighed, realizing she couldn't just let the flames spread. As Ed took off his shirt and gave it to Winry, she removed her own.

When Roy and Al returned, they found Ed(without his shirt or cloak) and Riza without a shirt. Together, they put out the fire, and managed to not be kicked out of the place.

"Riza," Roy asked, "may I ask why you only have on a bra?"

"Drastic measures had to be taken to get rid of _your_ fire," Riza said. "Had we done nothing, the fire would have spread beyond our control."

_Doesn't make it any less awkward,_ Al thought. The five of them decided to call it a day, and just go home for dinner. However, Riza remembered that she had to go to another store. (Let's just say it's a store men don't want to enter.) She told Roy about this.

"Do you want to borrow my shirt?" Roy said.

"No reason to," Riza said. "I'll just go in without one. Besides, your shirts don't fit me anyway."

She left the car and walked into the store, and Roy waited. After about half an hour, she emerged from the store, holding a few bags. As she got into the car, Roy realized she now had only panties from the waist down.

"What the hell?" Roy yelled. "What happened?"

"It turns out that the cashier was a man," Riza said. "He tried chasing me to talk, and ended up dragging my pants off."

"Let's just go home before you lose any more clothes," Roy said. Riza nodded.

"How is it that I've lost my clothes TWICE today?!" Riza yelled, breaking her calm demeanor. Roy shrugged his shoulders.

When they arrived at the home of Roy Mustang (where Riza often stayed) Riza was just glad to be home. She looked at her rose garden in his front yard, and hurried to the door, trying to get out of the public eye. Roy got out of the car to see the next unfortunate accident befall Riza.

The rose garden that Riza planted were specially grown, on a section of dirt that was not firm in the slightest. Because of this, several short metal poles were inserted into the ground to keep the soil stable. Riza had been hurrying to get inside, and as a result, tripped onto one of these poles. She also happened to fall in such a way that her chest hit the pole, causing her bra strap to break. Roy stood in shock, staring at his now topless girlfriend.

"DAMNIT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" Riza screamed. She got up, her breasts now exposed to the world. Roy took her hand and led her inside so she could get changed.

Well, at least he tried. The door was locked, and the key was inside.

"Umm, Riza," he said nervously. "I can't get in."

"You're saying I'm out in public, with nothing but panties on, **_and I can't get inside?_**"

"I'm calling a locksmith. Are you sure you don't want any of my clothes?"

"I told you, they're way too big. I'm just going to have to stick it out."

The locksmith arrived and got to work (after gawking at Riza for a brief moment) and soon opened the door. Roy gave him the money and Riza immediately went inside. She stood in the hallway for a moment, just grateful to be home. Suddenly her panties disappeared. She turned to see Roy, smirking as the last of her clothes became ashes.

"I've managed to lose every stitch of my clothing today," Riza said. Roy shrugged his shoulders and turned to his now naked girlfriend.

"Guess it's just not your lucky day," Roy laughed.


End file.
